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• (415): View more from California

  my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"

  (650): View more from California

  LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing

  (719): View more from Colorado

  The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Only if they know about it too.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator

  (214): View more from Texas

  and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact

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