I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
