1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
