loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
