Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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