I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
