Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
