YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
