So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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