Kiss
Puke
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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