I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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