I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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