Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
