margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
