I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
