It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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