my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The Olympian is in my bed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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