I didn't shave. On purpose
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
