youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Can I color on your dick again?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
