I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There's even glitter on my cock...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
