I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
