why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
