Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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