please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
