god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
