that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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