I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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