You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
