So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
