I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
