so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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