Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
