Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
