I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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