I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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