yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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