I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
