I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
