i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
