i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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