would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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