I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
