At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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