So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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