May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
