I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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