just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
