Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
