Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Still dying that you shit outside
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
