i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
